"Every little thing is gonna be alright"
Wow, I feel like it has been forever since I have last written you all. This week was a long one for me and to be honest was probably the toughest week for me since I have been out on my mission.
This week we had MLC (Missionary Leadership Council), this is where all the leaders in the mission get together to receive training as well as talk about things going on in the mission and changes that need to be made. It is hard to explain but by the time it came to this meeting I was kind of at my wits end with somethings that my companion and I had to deal with and just stressed. The meeting was really good, this month our mission is focusing on Christlike attributes. I encourage all of you to study those in preach my gospel this month as well. As we we taught, I just sat there and thought "Do I like the Missionary I am right now?" And honestly I didn't, it is funny how the lord humbles you and shapes you to the potential that he sees in us. There are so many little things I want to become better at and develop certain characteristics as well. It hit me how far along in my mission I am and how there is so much I still need to accomplish in this short period of time. I honestly love meetings like this because they motivate me and instill a desire in me to want to change to be a better missionary and person. A lot of changes have been happening in our mission, and this time our mission president is changing up our preparation days now. He feels like we aren't using our preparation day to prepare for the week but we are seeing it as a play day. It is difficult in our mission since it is the 3rd smallest one in the church. We have gone from mission wide p-days to zone p-days(20ish missionaries). But I honestly I felt like that was good. So every Monday we get together with our zone and last month an area seventy told our mission president that we shouldn't be getting together with our zone every preparation day. So our mission president decided we can only get together with other missionaries every other week. It was hard for a lot of missionaries to take that, but it really made me step back and think. As I listened to the what ifs and the arguments going on, i really thought about what my purpose is being out here. Yes preparation days are great and they are a way to relieve stress for the week, but were people up set about the change for the mission sake our their own. My main reason of being out here is to serve the Lord and to invite others to come unto Christ.
This lead perfectly into our Zone meeting, my companion and I were asked to train the missionaries on whatever that we felt inspire to from our MLC meeting. We decided to focus on Our purpose and why we all decided to come out on missions. It went really well and I felt like the spirit was so strong as we taught. I love teaching others, wither it be missionaries or others. I love the preparation time that goes into it because I learned so much more when I am studying for others. I guess the Lord is really testing me on what I can handle because my Mission President this week asked my companion to train at our Zone conference, (where about 80 missionaries will be there) on Our purpose as missionaries and the Doctrine of Christ. I am excited, but at the same time am a little stressed out. I have been praying to know how we can better inspire and help these missionaries that we will be speaking to. As well as I really do not enjoy public speaking, i am fine with small groups, but when it comes to large groups and speaking in church I do not enjoy that. I know that everything we be fine, but I really want to help these missionaries out here to live up to their calling and see the potential that they have.
The rest of the week seemed like a blur to me, we went on exchanges on Wednesday with some sisters that were struggling. It was nice for me to take off the stress of the week and focus on someone else and to help them out. I just want to testify that a mission is really the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Things were great that day and really looking up for me and we just had a good time on exchanges. It was about right after that we exchanged back that my mission president called me to give me the news at Grandpa Raiser. Not going to lie it hit me pretty hard and that night it was pretty hard for me to wrap my mind around what had happened. I am grateful for how my mission president handle it, he had me talk about my grandpa with him and he told me about how he has lost both his parents since he has been out here serving. He told me about those personal experiences and we had a good heart to heart. I talked to me for some time and then asked me if it would be okay for him to call back Nathan to see what happened because he realized that this was a sudden thing and wasn't expected. Nathan he seriously talked so highly of you and how what a great young man you were, which made me cry a little bit more. After hearing about everything it made me worry about all of you back at home and how you were all doing. I was a little upset with Heavenly Father because I felt like it was the worst timing ever with mom having her back surgery. That night I gave one of the most sincere prayers that I have given in a while on my mission, just bearing out my heart to my Father. I cannot explain to you the feelings in that room as my companion fell asleep(it was kind of a long one for me). But at that moment it was reconfirmed that Heavenly Father was aware of me, the spirit was so strong and I felt as if both Grandma and Grandpa were there with me as I prayed just hugging me and comforting me. It was something I have never really experienced before. After I finished up my pray I really came to terms with things and felt peace in my heart. I feel like that really prepared me as well for President calling me again Friday night about Grandma Metcalf. To be honest I was in shock when he told me and it didn't feel to me. Right now though I am at peace with everything and are moving forward with the work.
I pray for all of you, it was so good to talk to Mom yesterday as well as with Dad and Megan. Know that I seriously and doing okay now. I wish I could be there for the funeral, but I know there is no other place that I am suppose to be then out here. I love you all! Stay strong, know that you will see them again. Find peace in prayer, the atonement and the love that the Savior and our Heavenly Father has for each and everyone of you!
By the way transfers are next week and I may be moving to a different apartment so send all mail to the mission office until you hear from me next Monday. I love you all so much and am proud of you! Sorry for the short email, i just ran out of time. Did I mention I love you all?!
Love
Sister Metcalf
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